BrianGarst.com

Dear Senator Doofus,

I am writing out of concern, because you may be developing serious mental health issues that will impair your ability to do simple tasks like tie your shoes, much less represent the people of New Jersey. Extrapolating from your recent statements equating Republicans with terrorists for not wanting to raise taxes, along with your just published letter to Santa Claus fretting over the consequences of “Global Warming” (Death be upon us), a group of very serious scientist types which I secretly polled believes that you may reach a state of drooling incapacitation by 2020, while some predict complete derangement by 2012!

The unknown number of friends (that I most certainly have) which I locked in my basement and forced to read your letter agree that your mental state is deteriorating because of early onset liberalitus (a disease I absolutely did not just make up); and that they’re hungry. I am worried about your safety and your ability to deliver millions of dollars in pork and special deals to your buddies, should you no longer prove capable of maintaining your sanity for the entire session of Congress. What will happen to your banking buddies, your nap room, the congressional staff and your slaves interns?

I want you to know that if you want to relocate to the stress free padded rooms of the nearest insane asylum luxurious private retirement center, I would be proud to assist you. But given the level of corruption you are accustomed to, I would understand if you prefer to relocate to South America. Just be sure not to move to the more remote corners of the continent, where your particular mental illness may fester untreated.

Please know that I will work to mobilize the American people to assist your relocation plans by voting you out of office. I am sure we can both agree that with your declining grip on reality, we need to do all we can to save Congress, and the Republic.

Sincerely,
Brian Garst
Concerned Citizen

Global Warming Robert Menendez